Do You Know I Am Thingking Of You

I often said whatever will be, will be... What is going to happen, will happen and what ever is coming it will come..


I often put on a strong front. I do not wish to cry in front of others but I weep bitterly on my own because I am afraid of letting other see me cry..

It has been 4 years since the Lord took my son away.. I cry at the ICU cos i felt his pain. My prayers wasnt answered. I am angry that the Lord has taken him away from me. No one can understand the pain I felt in my heart for losing my son. No one saw the state he was after the accident. No one sees me cry or weep at the funeral. No one sees me cry weep at the crematarium. I couldnt cry. I knew my daughter was devasted, I know I must not cry for I still need to take care of her. Well all the ceremonial rights was done.

I weep every night where no one sees me cry. My heart bleeds every night for him but one sees. If only I ask that I ask for my life to transfered to his so that he would live a longer life. I failed to do it. I was lost and I had faith that he will gain consciouness but he didnt. I wish he knows that I am always thinking of him. I will never forget you. I wish you are here... I wish you know how much I love and the time we spent together. I am honoured that you took me on a ride after you bought your first bike. I am honoured that you carried my golf bag for me on Mother's day and went golfing with me. Your time was just too short her but the impact that you made in my life and the life of others.... your ex girl friend (Black Bird) is not married and 'Fish Cake' runs her own business. If you are here you would have an Engineer by now.
My dreams was shattered when you left us. I hope you will look over and guide your little sister. May it is my luck that I do not deserved to have you and maybe it my karma that you have return to the Lord and the pain you go through... whatever will be will be..